Aftermath
by Illuminating-Darkness
Summary: "Be happy" I whispered, just loud enough for her to hear." Maybe there is no happily ever after for him, but there is acceptance in his heart. Rui deals with the marriage of Tsukushi to his best friend. Complete. R
1. 1: To Stay

If. How I love and hate those two letters, and the word if forms. Those two letters have more meaning then I once could have imagined, that small word forces my mind to wonder to a place I know will never really exist. What could have been, and what never will be.

Because, you know, after all these years, I still love her.

_I love you so much it hurts me. Am I just a fool?_

I'll force myself to be happy for her, she's already found her happiness in him. He will give her the happiness she deserves, and according to fairytales, they'll live happily ever after. Why is it that my best friend will receive that fairytale that I've been always longing for in my heart?

Once, I believed that I loved the woman who brought me out of my shell, so I chased after her blindly; stumbling like the child I was back then. I had stumbled so much I when the girl who opened my eyes has already passed by me in this life.

_Why was I too late to see you in my life?_

I was so foolish, to brush her away with the promise of only friendship, to brush away her feeling with no emotion, to deceive myself. I know I love her, the girl who moved on, I know I love her.

_I am such a fool. I hate living in this regret. Because of this regret, I sometimes forget myself._

In this room, when the lights go off, there is only darkness. Reaching, blind as I felt, I knocked a few things over, feeling them against my skin, and hearing them when they hit the floor, as I reached for my phone which had to be among the few things that I place on the small table next to my bed. My hands closing around the cellphone, I took it, then turned it on once it was in my hands in front of me.

The light from the phone illuminated this empty room. Pressing a button, I went straight to the many contacts I had. Most being business contacts, not friends. Scrolling down the contacts slowly I took my time. A...B...C...D... Domyouji, Tsukasa. The name I was dreading to see. But it wasn't the name I was looking for.

Stopping at a single name, I paused there. All that was there for the heading was her first name. A simple name, address and number, no business, no title, no value as a possible asset, nothing. My thumb hesitated over the call button, then moved away from that small green button. My thumb seemed to have a mind of its own, or maybe my heart controlled it.

_I should be happy for her, the one closest to my heart. The only girl who's ever changed it, who understands it._

Forcing myself to press down on the button, I slowly raised the phone to my ear, almost hoping that no one would pick up on the other side.

_Was I just torturing myself even more?_

_

* * *

_

"Hello?" I heard her voice.

"Rui?" She said my name.

"Tsukushi." How the just sound of her voice could make me smile. "Are you well?"

"I'm fine Rui, Tsukasa Domyouji is being a annoying as usual, all this security, I think i've actually forgotten the meaning of privacy!" she said in that tone of exasperation that I hear so often.

_This happiness I feel only lingers here for a short time, I feel is slipping away already._

"He loves you, and you love him, you guys are getting married tomorrow after all"

_Maybe, with that sentence, the brief spell of happiness has been brushed away._

A sigh, so loud it came over the phone, loud and clear, "Well, Tsukasa's going a little bit too far in showing his love"

I forced out a laugh. "He cares for you, be glad that he cares so much." I said. "Be happy" I whispered, just loud enough for her to hear.

_Those last two words had so much more meaning than they ever should've had._

"Rui! Stop defending him so mu-!"

Whenever she started these complaints about Tsukasa, I felt like laughing.

_Was I merely amused, or is there a part of me that's secretly pleased?_

"Tsukushi,"

"What?"

_I love. I'm sorry. I love you._

Breathing in deeply, I put away those words I so desperately wanted to say.

"I've never truly congratulated you on your engagement with Tsukasa."

I heard her gasp. I heard her breathing.

"I wish you happiness in every way Tsukushi"

_There, it was done. There is no going back. Those words that I wanted to say would stay inside me, never to be spoken in this lifetime._

No, she wouldn't do anything stupid anymore, the place I had beside her, as her protector and best friend was no longer there. She had matured so much in the past few years. While I had lived in the past, she had grown up.

"Thank you Rui, you know how much this means to me."

_And I did know what it meant, and maybe so that was why I was so reluctant to give her my blessing, for those few words to leave my mouth._

I blinked. There seemed to be something running down my cheeks.

_These aren't tears. I don't cry. I never had before._

I opened and closed my eyes frantically, trying to the free flowing liquid.

"It's late now, you should eat." The voice that came out of my lips was still thankfully strong.

"Ok then, Goodnight Rui, thanks"

"Bye. Seeyou tomorrow"

_I love you._

Those three words I would never be able to say.

* * *

I wiped the moisture from my face. I was happy for them. I had to be. I love her so much, that I'm going to let go Maybe that's a form of love as well. Letting go.

_Or was it an attempt for me to feel better about myself?_

_Am I so selfish that I am saying I'm letting go because I love you?_

Either way, congratulations Tsukasa, you've won.

* * *

I hope, one day, this pain will lessen,

I hope, one day I will understand,

I hope, one day, these tears I shed as a boy will be forgotten.

And, I hope, one day, I will believe this is possible.

To see her smile, a part of my hear has already been filled, as I see her give her heart to another man, I'll smile, and be happy.

This much I can do to repay her,

But.

Only if I had not been so foolish.

Only if...

* * *

**A/N****:** I hope you've enjoyed this, this is a the first chapter of a very small story about Rui, and what happens to him after. This chapter was inspired by the song "Man's Tears" By Jerry Yan, who, ironically, plays Tsukasa in the Taiwanese version of HYD.

**Thanks for reading, and please review~**


	2. 2: To Forget

Smile, Laugh, Act, no_ be_ happy.

Remember these three things, and you'll be fine. After all, it's only a wedding. They happen all the time, and it's not like you haven't been to one before.

But I haven't been to a wedding where I watch the girl I love give her life to my best friend have I? I don't know if I can pull this off, but for the sake of my two best friends, I have to try, it's the least I can and should do.

"Mr Hanazawa, we've arrived."

As the car stopped, I looked out the window at the church. Long white walls and a huge wooden door that could have been pulled straight out of the medieval times.

_It must have been her idea to get married in a church.

* * *

_

A knock on the window awakened me from my thoughts, and I saw Akira looking at me from the other side of the tinted glass. I opened the door and saw him standing there with Akira, the sun shining bright on them, and reflecting off the wrapping of what must be their wedding presents for Tsukasa and Tsukushi.

The three of us walked together towards the church, taking little notice of the reporters which had already gathered outside the church an hour early, already preparing for what probably would be the wedding of the decade, and would make headlines for the next week, or possibly next several weeks.

As the three of us slipped in through the doors, out of sight form the cameras, I walked directly to the back of the stage, where I knew there were several rooms, one of which were reserved for me. I saw out of the corner of my eye, Sojiro and Akira pause inside the archway, talking to the security guards, and Akira hold back a black suited man who was coming after me. I would thank him for that later.

Behind the stage was a hallway, with several entranceways to the rooms. This must be where everyone's getting ready, Tsukasa must be putting his suit on, and arguing with the make-up artist.

_I wonder which room Tsukushi is in. I wonder how she looks.

* * *

_

I walked slowly into the room that was reserved for me. I saw my violin waiting for me on the desk, along with my folder of music and a music stand. Picking up my violin gently, I checked over its surface before slipping the shoulder rest on, then placing it on my shoulder, resting it on the top of my collarbone.

I started to play, though the first page, then the second. But my fingers stumbled.

_I must get this right. I can't make a mistake. It's for her. _

Those words echoed again and again through my head, and I tried again and again. I knew this piece of music, had I not practised it again and again in the solitude of my empty bedroom for these past few months?

* * *

A knock suddenly came from the other side of the door, and I wondered who it could be.

The servants had been given instructions not to disturb me unless something extremely serious came up, and no one else knew I was in this room.

"Enter" I stated, in a tone that obviously more or less said that the reason for the interruption had better be important.

It was the last thing I expected, but the thing I wished the most for.

A beautiful girl, dressed in a wedding dress popped her head through the door.

"Hi Rui. I'm escaping from the makeup artists." She said cheerfully, not minding the fact that I was trying to hide my violin behind my back.

My piece of music was supposed to be a dedication to them, my wedding gift. My blessing and _surprise_ for them.

"So much for my surprise" I muttered, glaring playfully at Tsukushi, who seemed to realize she had found out something that she wasn't supposed to.

Tsukushi laughed at me, and then whispered that she hadn't seen anything before going over to the desk and sitting herself onto it.

_She's matured a lot, but the girl I know and love is still there._

I looked at her face carefully, and saw the delicate makeup that she had on for this occasion, and how her hair was done up in a simple, yet elegant manner. Her eyes, with the touch of makeup had seemed to grown in size, making them so much more mesmerizing then I could have though them to be.

_I wonder how anyone ever thought this girl to be plain._

"It's nearly time for the wedding to start, and you're going to ruin that dress. Go back and get your finishing touches done." I chided her softly, placing a hand on her shoulder and guiding her gently to the doorway.

_This time, I'm thinking with my head._

Tsukushi turned around and hugged me. I nearly dropped my violin in surprise, I had almost forgotten that it was still in my hand.

"Thanks so much Rui. I never would have made it her without you." She said, laughing and crying in joy. "I can't believe I'm here, getting married!"

I laughed with her, telling her that it was no problem and I was happy to see her like this.

_Yeah. To some extent I was happy to see her like this._

Now, I was sure that I would have the courage to play my violin for them, without any doubt or mistakes.

* * *

The wedding music rang in my ears, it was so wonderful, yet so heartbreaking.

They walked up the alter to the together. This wasn't your average wedding.

The music stopped as they reached the top and faced the priest. This was my cue.

I stepped out, into the full view of everyone, with my violin to my neck, and started to play.

I composed the piece thinking of their struggle, their happiness, and their love.

And finally, although I think myself selfish, there was one line of my own thoughts, and my feelings of letting go.

_Makino Tsukushi, thank you so much for changing my life. _

"And do you Makino Tsukushi promise to love Domyouji Tsukasa, for as long as you live, in sickness and in health, in wealth and in poverty, and take him as your wedded husband?"

Tsukushi glanced over at me, and I carried on playing strongly even as I met her eye, before she turned back to Tsukasa with a loving gaze.

"I do"

* * *

**A/N: **Hey, I'm thinking of writing one or two more chapters to conclude this minific. I'm thinking of setting it about 5 or 7 years onwards from this. Any thoughts on this?

Thanks go out to, sheryl g., -chan xD, Saranghae-Minnie, and FatCake for reviewing this story so far.

**Thanks for reading this, and please review~!**


	3. 3: To Start Anew

**my writing block has died, but my skills at writing haven't returned yet T.T forgive me~~**

* * *

"Uncle Rui!"

Seconds after the shout came, what seemed to resemble a little bundle of fluff wrapped itself around my legs, hitting me with such enthusiasm it nearly knocked me off balance.

Unfortunately, the little bundle of fluff, which I had now realized, rather slowly, was actually a little girl, was hugging my legs so hard that I couldn't move.

Normally, it wouldn't have been such a bad thing, but as I was blocking half the rather small doorway to the "VIP New Arrivals" section of the airport, I figured keeping the equally jet-lagged and tired, not to mention extremely rich people from going to meet their families wasn't the brightest idea.

"Hi there cutie" I said, scooping her up with one hand, and placing her on my shoulder, and walking forward to the parents, who were standing at the end of the path, smiling at waving at me.

I walked over slowly, a little girl on one shoulder, and dragging my small luggage case behind me.

"Yo" I said to them.

" I haven't seen you for almost a year, and that's all you can say Rui? OI RUI! I'm talking to you"

I laughed at Tsukasa. He hadn't changed since high school. Well, that part of his personality has remained unchanged anyhow.

"Yes Tsukasa, remember what you said to us when we came to meet you at the airport?" I replied, "You swore, then asked us what the hell we were doing at the airport in the middle of the night"

"But, but, that's different" He said back, attempting to find a comeback, and, quite obviously failing.

The woman next him wacked him playfully on the arm, "That's enough" She chided with a smile on her face.

"I'm glad to see you back home Rui" She said to me, smiling broadly.

_After all these years, she still makes my heart skip a beat with that smile._

"I'm glad to be back. And glad to see you've been keeping him in check" I said jokingly, gesturing subtly with a slight jerk of my head to Tsukasa, who as expected, immediately started protest again, about how he didn't need to be kept in check by anyone.

"Mamma, Papa, isn't Uncle Rui the best?" a small voice came from next to my ear. I had almost forgotten that there was a little girl sitting on my shoulder.

They both laughed, and proceeded to say how hurt her uncle's Akira and Soujiro would be to hear that.

_It's like we're all extended family to her. But that's all we'll ever be. Not inside her family, but not exactly outside of it either. Watching their happiness, not from afar, but not too close either._

* * *

Arriving back at my family mansion, I saw the Akira and Soujiro were waiting there patiently for me. A brotherly hug, and a few high fives were exchanged like the old times when one of us returned from a business trip and the F4 were together again.

_That much at least hasn't changed._

"I feel sleepy" I said, "I feel like sleeping" The incredulous looks I remember started to appear on the faces of the surrounding F3.

"You've just got back in Japan, and your best friends are celebrating your return after not seeing you for a year, and you want to ignore that and sleep?"

"Rui. You've deeply heart our feelings."

Staying and talking to them, my closest, and just about only friends gave me more happiness than I had experienced in a year, but as the English saying states, "Time flies fast when you're having fun", it was over when Tsukasa had to leave for a meeting.

* * *

Trudging upstairs after seeing everyone off, I unlocked my room and entered it. It was exactly as I had left it, the violin still in its case, lying on my untidy bed, with clothes strewn everywhere.

And the sheets of music spread out all over the floor, and covered with at least an inch of dust.

It was exactly how I had left it, six or so years ago, when I came back from the wedding.

_He almost ran into his room, crossing the room in a few large angry strides, and threw the violin down onto his bed, scattering the music along the floor as he did, then roughly pulled his suitcase from under his bed, and marched over to the closet, throwing the doors open and pulling and ripping down his clothes at random, stuffing them without a thought into his suitcase. He then zipped it up, and fell backwards onto his bed, lay there lifelessly next to his beloved violin, not responding to the many knocks on his door, or the almost constant ring of his cellphone after he had been there for a few days. The cellphone eventually ran out of power and the entire room fell silent. _

_Why not me? He thought. Why him? He thought. _

_Why can't I just accept that she's happy, and be happy for her also? Why can't I forget about what I feel for her?_

_Why am I a coward to face them, and watch them together? _

_Why can't I answer my own questions?_

That day, I remember it so well. Those questions I asked myself, those questions I fumbled desperately over, finding, or trying to find a reason why it wasn't my fault. I remember that I had left them all without a word, without any notice for New York where my father was, and where one of the main headquarters were, and I remember working there.

I hadn't returned to Japan in over five years because I was too ashamed to face myself again.

As I started to tidy my room, I picked up the sheets of music, and read it over, and the wedding seemed to replay over and over in my head. I put it aside and continued tidying, unpacking my luggage, and putting my old and new clothes back in the closet.

Then knew I would sleep a dreamless and peaceful sleep, without any of nagging doubts, shame, and worries that had plagued me at night for the last few years.

_I was content with what I had, I was content with what I now believed, and I was finally truly content that she was happy._

I know I have moved on, not forgetting, but accepting.

_Tsukushi, Tsukasa, Soujiro, Akira. Thank you for staying with me. Thank you for shaping me into the person I am now. Thank you for opening my eyes when I was blind. Thank you for loving me in your own unique ways. I know I can be selfish, but I know how you have forgiven me, and all the wrongs I have done against you. Thank you, and be happy, and I will not search, but hope to stumble upon my own happiness. _

This isn't the end of my story. It's the beginning. 

* * *

A/N: and that's the end :D the first multi chapter that I've ever finished xDxD To be honest. I think I could have done better.

_many thanks to those who have supported this story, **Saranghae-Minnie, Fatcake, -chan, and sheryl.g. **_

_Maybe you've stopped following my fanfics but your reviews always bring a smile to my face, especially yours Saranghae-Minnie :D_

_and a final thanks to XxOlivia13xX, whose RxT fanfiction I am currently beta-reading. I don't think I would have been able to get out of my writers block without that._

pleeeeeeeeeeease **review** and** tell me your thoughts**, I really need the encouragement to carry one writing right now~ as I haven't been writing for a long time /


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